At the end of 2018, there was a lot of buzz about "The Sex Recession" report in The Atlantic magazine. That's because, according to recent studies, younger generations in the U.S. are having less sex than their parents did at the same age. That doesn't fit in with the fact that we're surrounded by the topic of sex all the time these days - whether in movies, books or wherever else. And dealing with it has become much easier. It's okay to talk openly about sex (thank goodness!). Series like "Sex Education" or podcasts like "Oh, Baby" are not only entertaining, but also provide valuable tips for a fulfilling sex life. And even if we don't necessarily chat about BDSM with our parents at the dinner table, there are fewer and fewer taboos. And in parallel, there are many more opportunities to find out about and pursue personal passions - without catapulting oneself into the social sidelines. Sex has become a trendy topic, absolutely socially acceptable and en vogue. So how come young people are having less sex? Have we simply become numbed down?
Some 54% of high school students had had sexual experiences when surveyed in 1991 - down from just over 41% in 2015. And the average adult had sex just 54 times a year in 2014, down from 62 cozy moments in the late '90s. It has probably even become somewhat less in recent years ...
In Germany, things look a little different in detail, but the trends are similar: just now, for example, the study "Freizeit Monitor 2019" revealed that the proportion of Germans who have sex at least once a month has fallen by 4% since 2014. Not even a third of Germans (30%) have sex at least once a week. Among young adults, there are at least a few more (40%) - but there really aren't that many either.
There are many reasons for the decline in sex life, and we can only guess: For one thing, young people today are exposed to much greater career stress - which means romantic relationships quickly fall by the wayside. If this is compounded by dissatisfaction with one's own body, it can be quite tricky to get involved with another person at all and to get into the mood together. And especially with reagrd to all the perfect Instagram pictures, it has also become damn easy to feel insufficient. Plus, there's this constant non-commitment: through dating apps, the choice is huge - how can you commit? This is also reflected in a study that found that about 60% of Americans under 35 are not in a committed relationship. While it is still the couples whose sex life is statistically clearly more active.
And it's probably true that we also feel a bit overwhelmed by the omnipresence of sex and the high expectations that often go along with it. Because we hear from all sides how great sex can be. But what happens if we don't manage it so well ourselves? And feel bad afterwards because we can't keep up? As far as openness is concerned, we do "talk a lot about sex, but not about the sex we have ourselves," as journalist and "enlightener" Kristina Weitkamp rather aptly puts it in an interview. And what we talk about makes us feel insecure. So it's no wonder that we often get stuck or simply don't feel like having sex when the opportunity arises. Especially when we first have to deal with a (still) unknown counterpart. In general, more and more seems to happen in theory: You collect matches, chat a bit - but often it doesn't manifest into a real meeting and everything afterwards. It's a pity somehow. Isn't it?
And now? Just accept the development or can we do something ourselves if we would rather have more sex? We are of course for the latter - and therefore have five basic tips for you to allow more room for sex in your life in the future:
1. Don't always take the easy way out
We often take the easy way out: a match and a promising chat, but then we chicken out before taking the decisive step to a real-life date. Or we prefer to satisfy ourselves because that's easier than getting involved in a situation in which we feel insecure. This ends now. In the future, just leave the easy way out and boldly take a step forward. If it turns out to be a loser, you can always close this chapter and tackle the next attempts.
2. Don't get bogged down in all those possibilities
Sure, the choices are huge and it's incredibly hard to decide. Do you prefer the hot Joyclub acquaintance, the smart fellow student from university or that one guy who seems to understand you so perfectly after chatting a few times? You quickly got bogged down in the possibilities and, in a state of shock, preferred not to get involved with any of them. You'd better put an end to that, too - ideally by concentrating on just one person at a time. If in doubt, you can still meet others when the current acquaintance is over. By the way, this is only fair to other people. Or would you like to be one of many?
3. Allow more closeness & get involved with each other
If every romantic encounter is no real deal because we have inhibitions about committing ourselves, this of course also affects our sex life. Even if we say that we are relaxed about it, there is often an invisible wall between us. A protective wall that is supposed to protect us from disappointment, for example. Except that a lot of good can also be lost as a result and real closeness sometimes becomes an art. That's why: If an encounter feels basically good, allow more closeness over time and thus give yourselves the chance to make more of it. This usually has a pretty positive impact on your sex life, too.
And if it goes wrong, it goes wrong. Then you can tell yourself that you tried, and eventually a promising encounter will happen somewhere else.
4. Fade out stress factors - create time for relaxation
There is hardly a greater desire killer than stress - and it is now ubiquitous. In order not to let it spoil your sex life, you should consciously create (time) spaces to which stress does not gain access. No matter what is on your mind at the moment, you can still take care of it later. In your well-deserved downtime, relaxation is what counts - even in the form of a little pleasurable adventure.
A good way to learn this "switching off" is through meditation. Just give it a try. Or you start your caresses with a little massage while listening to relaxing music ...
5. Talk about sex and your own needs - both on dates and in relationships
Sex is usually only really good when you know your sexual needs and the little secrets with which you get each other going. Of course, this requires openness and a certain amount of trust. But even though it can sometimes feel quite strange to talk about your own erotic desires, there's really nothing to be afraid of. It may be that your ideas don't always match perfectly. On the other hand, it can be pretty cool to try out new things together and then feel how you bring your partner to completely new heights.
Of course, you should always consciously decide with whom you want to share your most intimate desires. Depending on the situation, however, it may be worthwhile to do this on the first few dates. Who knows what opportunities will then arise ...
Have fun with our tips! Let us know if they help you. And if you know some insider tips yourself, just drop us a line! By the way, the Atlantic article also resonated with a good message: Namely, that older people are still pretty active these days. So if you don't have that much sex when you're younger, you can always catch up later.